


All Alright

by LinaRai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death, no beta we die like castiel, yes i hate myself too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:53:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27491503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaRai/pseuds/LinaRai
Summary: Two people die every second. It was a fact Dean had learnt many years ago, from some shitty game show on some crappy motel room tv. Two people die every second, and Dean couldn’t help but feel like they were always people he knew.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	All Alright

Two people die every second. It was a fact Dean had learnt many years ago, from some shitty game show on some crappy motel room tv. Two people die every second, and Dean couldn’t help but feel like they were always people he knew.

It was a part of his job, his lifestyle, he knew that. You can’t save everyone. But that didn’t mean he could forget they were dead. That didn’t mean he didn’t see their faces in his nightmares every time he slept. Charlie, Kevin, Bobby, his parents, Ellen and Jo, even Crowley, the bastard. He felt a pang in his chest every time their names even crossed his mind, but even Sam’s previous deaths couldn’t hurt as much as the new addition to that neverending list.

Castiel.

Castiel, the angel who had _gripped him tight and raised him from perdition_ , who had wormed his way into Dean’s heart and stayed there, who had always been there until he left without him. He had died before, of course, and that was sad, but this… This was a whole different situation. Cas was gone for good, and Dean never even got to say goodbye.

It was no secret to anyone - not to their friends, family, enemies, or people who had held half a conversation with him - that Dean was not the most emotionally stable person, and he knew it. I mean, he was a borderline alcoholic to start with. The only reason Sam hadn’t intervened on that account was because they both knew that the likelihood of either of them dying from liver failure was so low that it hardly mattered how they treated their bodies. Sam had always been more hopeful than Dean; more hopeful about having a normal life, more hopeful about living to an old age, more hopeful about the choices they had.

Even Sam didn’t know what to say to him now.

When he had found him, all those months ago, crumpled on the floor, his head in his hands, he knew instantly something was wrong. He had seen Dean grieving before, but he had never seen him like this. It was all he could do to coax Dean into a single sentence - “he’s gone, Sammy,” - and into bed, where he stayed for two days. Sam would have been annoyed if he wasn’t so damned concerned about him.

Then, one day, Dean climbed out of his bed. He had a shower, put on some clean clothes, had a beer for breakfast, and he set out to kill God. Not even a week later, the whole thing was over. Sam and Jack celebrated with all the people who came back, but Dean just retreated back to his room. No one dared to mention the one person who was so obviously missing.

Dean wasn’t so upset that Cas had sacrificed himself for Dean - how could he be, when Dean had done it so many times before for his family? - but for the awful timing. Every line of that confession was branded into his memory, and it replayed every night, refusing to let him sleep.

_What I want… it’s something I know I can’t have._

How had they been so stupid, how had they wasted so much time? Cas could have had Dean’s heart years ago. Dean just didn’t think he wanted it.

_I love you._

How could he leave him like that? Leave him with no time to even process what was going on, what was being said, until long after it was over? Dean’s stunted brain had only just realised that Cas was going to die as it was about to happen. That thirty seconds between the words he had longed to hear for years, that he thought he didn’t deserve, that he thought would never happen… it wasn’t enough time.

And so, here was Dean, the man who killed God and should be celebrating with his family, instead sitting alone in the dark, filled with regrets.

_Meanwhile…_

The first reaction that Castiel, former angel of the Lord, had to waking up in a long-forgotten coffin in a long destroyed section of forest, was to laugh. It was a violent, relieved exhalation that said _I see the poetry here_ and _I have been to every afterlife_ and _I get to see my family again._

Before he dared to think about what the reactions to his return could be, he forced himself up on shaky legs and started walking towards a shop that had been destroyed a long time ago. It had changed since then, though; the windows had been boarded up, there was graffiti everywhere, and, most disappointingly, the payphone no longer worked.

Cas carried on walking down the main road, thinking about how long it would take before he was home. He scoured the roads for cars, until a beat up old truck finally passed him. Waving frantically at it, Cas prayed that they would give him a lift - who to, he didn’t know - and sure enough, the engine rumbled to a stop, and the man who was driving it leant out the window.

“Where to?” he asked, and Cas could have cried with relief.

Once they were on the road, slowly making the journey home, Cas finally allowed himself to think of what would happen when he walked through the bunker door. In a perfect world, Dean would be there; he would kiss him and say those three words he had longed for so long to hear and they would spend the rest of their lives together. However Cas knew that hope was dangerous, and his brain was all too happy to deliver questions that he didn’t want to know the answer to. _What if he is angry? What if he wants you to leave? What if he doesn’t love you back?_

Cas didn’t think he would like to live in that world.

{o0o}

Two days later, Eileen was making breakfast for everyone in the kitchen, when Sam offered to grab Charlie’s laptop from the library. He wandered in, yawning and hair messy, a sense of quiet happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time painted on his face in the form of a sleepy smile when the door started to creak open. A lifetime of hunter’s instincts kicked in and he had a gun pulled on the intruder before they could even step through the door.

For a moment, Sam thought he was dreaming. He stared at their visitor, the gun still pointed at what must be a shifter, as he realised who it was.

“Uh, guys?!” he yelled, and everyone appeared in the doorway as if by magic. “Am I going insane again?”

Everyone just stared at the angel, who searched each face, as if looking for something, before shaking his head sadly. “Sorry,” he mumbled, turning to leave. “I shouldn’t have come-”

“What’s the commotion?” Dean asked, a gun in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other.

Everyone froze.

Dean dropped his drink, the sound of the glass exploding deafening in the shocked silence. Flinging his gun onto a table, Dean hurled himself up the stairs and threw his arms around Cas’ neck, sobbing into his shoulder.

Sam decided to give the two some privacy. With any luck, they would finally discuss how madly in love they were with each other.

{o0o}

Cas isn’t sure quite what is going on, but they are on the floor and they are hugging and Dean is crying and he doesn’t know what to do. As usual.

“Don’t you _ever_ do that again,” Dean eventually croaks, managing to remove one arm from the angel in order to wipe his tears on his face.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas apologises quietly, but it doesn’t matter. Dean has already forgiven him.

“We’re idiots, you know that?” Dean sniffs. Cas tilts his head, his eyebrows furrowed.

Dean rolls his eyes, pulls Cas close, and kisses him.

“I love you too, idiot,” he says into Cas’ neck.

{o0o}

Two people die every second, and four people are born. For every death, there are two new beginnings. Two new lives, two chances of being happy.

So maybe a lot of people die. Maybe Dean happens to know a lot of them. In the end, it doesn’t matter. He has the love of his life at his side, his family behind him, and a new beginning in front of him.

THE END?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading. I needed a fix-it fic because oh boy I may only be on season 13 but that clip had me crying and completely unable to function. I hope you enjoyed it! The title is based on the song All Alright by fun. because I have been listening to it on repeat since Destiel became canon.


End file.
